You may have seen in the press the £120 for two breakfast menu unveiled by the Feversham Arms at Helmsley: glass of Laurent Perrier, couple of duck eggs, creme fraiche, mini-brioche, Oscetra caviar.
Oh, and Balik salmon. ‘Arguably the world’s greatest smoked salmon’ which, of course, is ‘delicately’ smoked to a ‘secret’ recipe of the Russian tsars, happily ‘rediscovered’ 30 years ago. At first enjoyed only by ‘a select circle of friends and insiders’ but now – surprise, surprise – available online.
There are quite a few salmon miles involved in this secret recipe. First the salmon fillets are trucked, possibly on velvet cushions, from the Norwegian fjords ‘over the Ricken Pass to Ebersol’ which is ‘nestled snugly’ in the Swiss Alps.
The Swiss Alps?? Landlocked 900 metres above sea level? Yes, because ‘the crisp alpine air, the company’s own spring water, the quality of the firewood and the meticulous craftsmanship of the staff are the secrets behind Balik salmon.’ Hmmm, that’ll be non-specific wood and water then. They’re a bit quiet, too, as to whether their ‘noble’ salmon is wild or farmed. Another secret?
So, for £87 order up your 320g of Balik smoked salmon, which is crafted not just with ‘passion’ but with ‘artistry.’ A tradition that was passed on when the business was sold – sorry, ‘entrusted’ – to Caviar House and Prunier.
Or try Justin Staal at Long Riston in east Yorkshire who will send you – for £7.50 – 250g of Scottish salmon smoked over oak and apple.
The guff in inverted commas above was written, I hasten to add, by Balik not the Feversham. They just put the fish on their £120 menu. Just what the world needs.
Anyone out there with more money than sense? We won’t hold our breath waiting for you to report back.